Captivating

My fingers have touched the corner of the tattered paper, anticipating the beginning of the next chapter of my life. So eager to turn the page, yet consumed with anxiety... Brian and I have agreed to separate. Hopefully this hiatus will alleviate some tension in the house for the kids and allow us to focus on working on some serious issues that have torn the ties that bind us as one. Fear of the unknown is making it difficult to be at peace, though. Our goal is reconciliation but there is always a possibility that the damage is too great...

Every once in a while I read something that makes an impression and gives hope.

"There is a radiance hidden in your heart that the world desperately needs."
Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul
by John and Stasi Eldredge

It was like a whisper to my heart from the book itself

Those words really made me think while reading during quiet time here in the Mack house. Consider it a personal revelation. "She finds no romance except in novels, no adventure except on television, and she doubts very much that she will ever be the Beauty in any tale." Sounds sadly familiar... I would like to become truly captivating, become feminine and alive! For now though, it's a work in progress.

Another post filled with jumbled thoughts...

Grammar and punctuation... obviously not my forte considering the previous post was published with total disregard to formality.

leaves splashed bright with autumn color rained down from the barren limbs arched above the road, forming what the kids refer to as a tree tunnel. they gazed out the car window in silent awe at the rays of sunshine peeking in through the branches, gnarled like the gaunt weathered fingers of a decrepit old woman. the road twisted and turned in and out of tree tunnels, and thin wisps of leaf smoke danced in through the open car windows from the old farmhouse set back away from the road.

we arrive at the park armed with a football, a rake, drinks, and KFC, and begin the search for the ideal spot. conditions must be perfect they said, and rattled off a list of requirements: sunny, warm, filled with leaves, close to a trail... unable to contain their excitement, little blips of squeals and giggles escaped through their little hands clasped so tightly over their lips.

there it was through an opening in the trees! i passed out crispy chicken to my five little slobbering carnivores who, instead of sitting like well trained respectable boring children, decided to explore the grounds. i, on the other hand, sat on the rickety picnic table and watched them eagerly searching for squirrels and bugs and rocks, stuffing little treasures into their pockets as they go.

we climbed atop a fallen rotten tree covered with small mushrooms and bright green moss as if it were a balance beam with arms extended to either side then leaned over the side to count the rings. 99 years old! then we spent quite a bit of time walking along the creek listening to the sweet song of an unfamiliar bird and the babble of the water as it rushed over a sunken tree splintered by a lightning storm.

ethan navigated the way back out of the woods and we finished the adventure by jumping and dancing in a giant leaf pile and playing some football before heading back through the tree tunnels towards home.