Bad Move

Leaving a friend's house at 2am last night I am racing down Combs Rd. singing, with the music up and all windows down, feeling the sultry breeze blow through my hair. It felt so good... Then my breath catches in my throat and I slam on the brakes, praying my 2 ton SUV can stop before I hit this man walking down the middle of the road. He didn't move as I squealed closer - didn't even flinch! I swerved around him almost knocking out a mailbox and he just watched me. I was unable to keep my hands and feet from shaking and my heart was racing out of control. His face looked wet and was waving his thumb obviously looking for a ride somewhere so I turned around and headed back to find him, to see if he needed help or a phone call. I slipped my knife out of my pocket, switched off the safety, and put it between my legs with my right index finger on the blade's trigger just in case... When I pulled up I rolled down the window and noticed he was about 16 or 17 and his face was covered in blood. It looked as if he had the shit beat right out of him and the piercing underneath his lower lip had been torn. Trying so hard not to lecture him with "what the hell are you doing! you could have gotten yourself killed!", or any of the other thoughts racing through my head, I asked if he needed help. He said he just needed a ride to his mom's house and he had gotten jumped by some guys. I asked him for an address and if he could describe where it was to me and he was able. He seemed genuine and was not visibly out of his right mind so I told him to get in and took him home.

Good idea or bad idea? I'm not completely sure. I tried to make the best decision and was glad to help but also prayed for God to spare my life as I drove this stranger to his destination.

Happiness

I walked outside tonight after kissing my kids goodnight and the intoxicating scent of honeysuckle filled my nostrils. My eyes slowly closed as I inhaled the cool air deep inside my lungs, and any remaining stress was released as i slowly exhaled. I sat in my temporary patio chair (temporary - meaning the chair I will use until the patio is finally poured and everything is complete) and faced west to watch the light fade away into the eve of the night. At that point in time my brain had slowed enough to where I was not in a constant overwhelming state of overdrive and I was able to enjoy the moment.

I feel new, with absolutely no pain in my belly. It has been 17 years since I've felt this good. 17 years... The surgery went very well with only some minor complications. The "Davinci robot" performed the surgery and took out my uterus, cervix, and one ovary through four inch-long incisions across the middle of my belly. It's amazing how medicine has advanced... My doc let me see the robot and everything before the surgery per my request, then the anasthesia swept me off into a very deep sleep. I woke with quite a bit of discomfort but the morphine was amazing. (I did wish death upon myself once, though, after I sneezed) My blood pressure dropped to around 80 over 40, sometimes a little less, and my one night stay turned into 4. Well that and my inability to urinate without a catheter. I think I had 13 or 15 different caths... It was an odd feeling to have a bladder full enough to burst and just not be able to go. Both of those ended up being side effects of meds. The blood pressure fall was due to the morphine and the other was from an anti-nausea patch behind my ear. I went home on the fifth day and have to say I don't really remember much that first week, probably from the potent meds I was on. Healing took longer than I expected but I am also extremely impatient. I also had to be cauterized three times on the inside where my cervix was. The only thing I can think to compare it to is imagining a blow torch being blown up inside me.

I am now fully recovered and it is amazing!!! I am running a couple miles a day now and starting to tone up the old bod again.