New Blog

For those followers who anticipate my every post, I now have a new blog and will not be writing here much.  A new blog for a new chapter in my life!  urbanhoneysucklefarm.blogspot.com  Happy reading!

Oh the dreamy, anti realistic Mel is longing to be atop a hill in the open sleeping in a bag under the stars, my hair pushed up from under my head as to keep from tangling, savoring everything about this most amazing night. the breeze brushing over my skin, the faint smell of sweet honeysuckle...

We witnessed the most magnificent rainbow tonight. So vivid in the bright greenish sky. I would post a pic but my laziness is keeping me from getting off the bed for the usb cord to my camera. Maybe tomorrow... Hopefully it does my post justice and doesn't just look dull and gray.

Getaway

For a while now I've wanted to get away. Life just doesn't stop long enough to think sometimes. I took Sunday into Monday to try to figure things out. Brian had the kids so I decided to go. I took the scenic route to Brown County. It's so interesting to people watch, taking in their mannerisms and actions. It's amusing. After I sat people-watching for a while I browsed the quaint shoppes there looking for nothing but finding a few little things to take back with me. A visit to the winery was enjoyable as I tasted some new wines and purchased a bottle of vintage port. It tasted so good with chocolate I just had to... The path on the other side of the road led me to this all natural aromatherapy shop that had all kinds of things for a relaxing soak in the tub. The smells were amazing. Calming. So... I bought a magnolia scented bath bomb. Wine, bath.... my favorite way to relax. Then I hit the candy store leaving with some fresh peanut butter chocolate fudge, some lego candy (that you can really build with!) for the kids, and a dark chocolate covered cherry cordial (another favorite). Since it was Sunday they all closed earlier than usual so at 5 I drove down the curvy road, well sped down the curvy road, windows down singing all the way at the top of my lungs, to Yellowwood State Forest where I could get dirty and explore. I took the "Scarce Of Fat" trail. It started near the dam and was 4 miles of rugged muddiness. Perfect. There were tree frogs and a snake, orange toadstools and bright green moss, a trail of hoofprints that led me to a doe by the creek, and a fallen tree that I spread my blanket on and laid just listening to the sounds. Religious and refreshing

Day Trip

I would start my post as usual but it seems I'm in a rut. A bit of a writer's block I guess you could say, although I am no writer considering my aspirations tend to be higher than my abilities...

Sitting in a more comfortable area probably makes me the negligent parent as my children are sleeping up in our apartment but I find it nice to be able to sit outside at the end of the day and lack of a balcony or porch or anything up on the second floor leaves me stuck. The cool concrete is hard underneath me but I've managed to find comfort leaning against the wrought iron railing.
I'm imagining a day trip somewhere. Probably a state park as far away from civilization as I could afford, which may not be far since I drive the largest land tank on the planet. Somewhere where I don't have to think, or maybe somewhere where thinking is possible. [The breeze on my skin feels amazing tonight. I close my eyes every time and feel my hair blow behind me then settle back down tickling my shoulders.] If I had endless means I would invest in backpacking equipment. Something about sleeping out in the open is exciting to me. Being sensory sensitive, it's almost an overload of feeling. I love my dad for taking the time to share camping experiences or amateur archaeology digs at old farmhouses in the newly plowed soil. He taught me to appreciate everything, especially the little things. We would "rough it", which meant tent camp in the area of the campground with pit toilets. We would only bring the necessities: sleeping bags, tent, a skillet, firewood, fishing poles, and always a can of beans. We would spend our time hiking and seeing nature at it's finest. Pure and uninhabited. The trails we would take would be the most difficult and muddiest, always with a stream or river to get into. We would fish and catch our food, clean it, and put it in that skillet we brought. If there was no catch we would each eat our can of beans which never happened since, thankfully, the fish were always biting. Ahh... those were the days... If only I could do half as good a job as my parents did I will be content. My soul aches to get away from life for a while.

The light flickering is making it difficult to concentrate. My apartment complex encircles an older looking playground complete with gravel flooring and a tall steel swingset. I like that. The older equipment challenged the child or left room for imagination at least. Swinging high enough to feel like you're flying when you jump off the swing, now that's exciting!

Rain rain go away... Time to shut the computer and get inside. Goodnight blog

Random Quotes

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
M. Scott Peck

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.
Gilda Radner

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.
Rainer Maria Rilke

Four things to learn in life: To think clearly without hurry or confusion To love everybody sincerely; To act in everything with the highest motives; To trust God unhesitatingly.
Helen Keller

Is love worth fighting for, really?? I fought for so many years to hold tight to what I believed to be sacred and holy. The feasibility of moving forward with cold disregard to the magnitude of emotions one should experience when apart from a love so consuming... It is almost something I could give in to. The internal argument, I know, stems from what is right for my children vs. what may just be easier for me. In reality I could succumb to life as it is and sacrifice who I am to make them happy. without regret, mind you. The love I have for my kids is immeasurable. My life has been devoted to them. Which is better though? I struggle to find the answer... everyday... Try to make it work or move on, try to make it work or move on... What if my choice is wrong?